If the shed’s a-jammin’, don’t on laptop
Discovery that Vulakh’s mug is supply of linear polarizing filters,
filled with water results in disap- shares the wealth. April 1, 2012 Volume 91
Dropout witnesses the Second tronics homework assignment in
Coming of Our Savior James the form of interpretive dance. Baker. And the third. And the
fourth. (Unfortunately she fell “I love this wonderful new build-
Cooper Union Track Team gets CivE finds concrete reason to
asleep from blissful exhaustion ing!” claims eager-to-please yet
before she could bring about the inept freshman.
running express between Mecha- Computer Center gives up Lent
Lenny Tevlin last seen filling out Cooper’s ashes.
tronics to Design and Prototyp- for Lent.
Irony abounds as NSBE hosts a changes motto to “Pedicabo Ego
date auction [in which men were Vos et Irrumabo.”
en], SWE hosts a bake sale, and School of Art enters 153rd year
Intervarsity hosts a witch hunt of war against logic. (food will be provided).
Professor Wolf accumulates clares aghast but no-longer-hun-
graduate degrees at a rate of 3 gry sophomore.
(a) How long until he runs out of Frankie’s opens barbershop;
(b) How long until he is actually nior class disappears.
Class, Professor unperturbed by nally granted tenure.
Flow as new Copper Onion Professor Kirtman shows up
polarizers, a flashlight, a green Scandalous photographs from
filter, and a hit of acid. Derive Professor Wolf ’s college days
first Poker Team, but always Professor Fontaine covers entire folds.
Safety Mike hosts cooking class laborates with School of Archi-
Professor Grossman discovers A word to Prof. Uglesich from
How many sheds could a Jam- try something other than tobac-
shed jam if a Jamshed could co. Are you feeling hungry? I’m
Student successfully stays awake Student body: cashier at Panya
Sexy Cooper Questions blog re- Student accidentally submits
vealed to be co-authored by Jar- MATLAB assignment on time.
15 students reduced to partial leaves 1,000 condoms in 5th floor
fractions in tragic signals home- men’s room. Two end up being
Misguided sophomore attempts “slip ‘n slide stairs” project, result-
to take Laplace transform of ing in two deaths, one paralysis,
Zeta Psi, accidentally transforms and a damn good time for all in-
Hillel’s Purim Party gate-crashed Homework atrocious, claims fac-
by Intervarsity’s Crusade Cel- ulty.
Tuition instated, life doesn’t end.
Professor Cumberbatch perfects says student. The Cooper Community The Cooper Community on the Financial Crisis on the New Sweatshirts
Professor Srubshchik, after weeks of probability calculation, propos-
“Ugh, they make it feel like we’re in NYU.” – Student who secretly
es the purchasing of $1,000,000 of lottery tickets per year.
Professor Grossman proposes that Cooper instate tuition so she can
“I love how they make it feel like we’re in a real college like NYU or
afford an even nicer podium and PowerPoint 2011.
something.” – Student who doesn’t fully understand the concept of
“They make the school very confusing” – Red-green colorblind stu-
Professor Agrawal sells 12-volume collection of his life stories.
Art students write protest songs that all sound eerily similar to
“GO MAROON and GOLD!” – Misguided follower of Dean Baker
“These Cooper students are so spoiled, now.” – Bitter alumnus
Engineering students attempt to produce counterfeit money only to
realize that the Computer Center’s color printer is backed up.
“What financial crisis?” - Architecture students.
“I’m so glad ESC went with such a creative and original design.”
Jolie Harris suggests Cooper students work on their resumés.
“What’s up with all these sweatshirts that say ‘Cooper Union’ on
After scolding students for having poor analytical skills, Professor
Wolf suggests Cooper students take a mandatory Entrepreneurship
class to put their brilliant minds to work.
“ESC is happy to give the Cooper community such a nice gift” – Stu-
dent in charge of raising money for the ESC party
Professor Buckley suggests selling audio recordings of himself
Former President Campbell asks his biological twin Mitt Romney to
The Cooper Community on the Foosball Table
Naive freshmen art students attempt to sell their own art and raise $23.89.
“I think it’s really funny when people are giving tours and all the
hopeful high-schoolers look on and think Cooper is going to be an
Current President Jamshed proposes an intricate, thoughtful and
even remotely enjoyable experience.” – Jaded senior-year electrical
creative five-year plan only to be literally crucified by the alumni.
engineering student who hates Cooper but loves complaining about it
Professor Uglesich DJ’s a 12-hour drum-and-bass set with lighting
provided by Professor Risbud’s DLD class.
“I was Cal-Tech’s foosball champion.” – Professor Uglesich
Intervarsity members host bi-weekly prayer sessions to scare away
“It makes Frankie’s lounge really loud and I can’t study there any-
Professor Cumberbatch suggests resorting to natural lighting in the NAB.
“It’s the best thing to happen to Cooper in years.” – THAT guy
Professor Guido in favor of cutting electives in order to make sched-
Buildings and grounds decide to make the NAB colder (60 degrees)
“Foosball? I am not interested in such things.” - Professor Agrawal
in winters and warmer in summers (80 degrees).
“These Cooper students are so spoiled, now.” – Bitter alumnus
Professor Kolack does more paid appearances on the Tyra Banks
“It helps me finally meet all the upperclassmen.” – Social-climbing
Professor Lima suggests opening a CU laser cutting sweatshop.
“Play less, work more.” – Professor Wolf
A Cryptoquote is an encoded quote. It is encoded such that
each and every occurrence of a letter is substituted with a different letter of the alphabet. Using clues such as frequency of occurrence
and placement, the original quote can be found. For instance, the word XBDIKCXXBZ could be deciphered to reveal the word LONGFELLOW.
AKXI NELSND ITH SLENZ S XKS OEID KNGL AIWSU
– BNADWE IU APQ DMBHJ EWI OWLZNGUW – OALMC
No será la Tierra de Jorge Volpi Por Alejandra Costamagna Hace poco más de un año Jorge Volpi fue invitado a un congreso de literatura en Corea, junto a una veintena de escritores de distintas nacionalidades. Un par de semanas después del encuentro, Volpi escribió una columna de opinión. Y se aplicó entonces en la tarea de definir a los asistentes al congreso de acuerdo con lo
Reimbursement Form Provide mobile phone number to receive confirmation of fax and email claims Please see reverse side for instructions and documentation requirements. A signed and dated reimbursement form must accompany every claim. Health FSA/Health Reimbursement Arrangement (HRA) • Date of incurred expense (date service is provided, not paid) • Amount insurance paid, if applica